If only we played football...

Nottingham Rugby is going through a bad patch of results - a hard fought defeat to Leeds (that we could have won) and a one point defeat away at Plymouth (who scored in the seventh minute of added time). We are therefore 4th in National One, or 16th in England.

Looking at the football premiership table we would be Tottenham Hotspur if we were 16th in England and we would have a bid in for a £6,000,000 striker. If we were 4th in the second division (now imaginatively called "The Championship") we would be Burnley. Not sure who they are trying to sign but from their list of full time employees (including a Graphic Designer) I would say they are doing better than us. And they started life as a rugby club.

Maybe it's something we should consider tomorrow as we stand there rattling buckets and flogging calenders of semi-naked players (good taste having taken second place to survival).

Proof of what I say about Americans is contained here. It seems last year the try zone, party zone and youth zone all sold out. What are they on about? What next at Twickers? A tweed zone and a know-nothing corporate zone?

For more info on Americans trying to improve rugby push a few advert buttons in the panel above - we need the money.

Christmas Day

Thank you to Nottingham Outlaws for the Santa image, particularly prize-winning coach and uber-geek Joe Shepherd.


Maybe not my favourite day of the year, but by no means the worst. This year the kids slept to a reasonable time so that was a good start. Watched Prince Caspian on DVD. I have read the Narnia books many times but am struggling to remember any mention of the country being taken over by a race of swarthy men with comedy Mexican accents. Kept an eye out for a mouse mariachi band pop up. It didn't. But if it had have done I wouldn't have been surprised. Bear in mind that this is a lesson on what happens when Americans get involved. As they are a growing force in world rugby I can hardly wait to see what the future brings...

Having checked on the internet I have decided that it is better to pig-out for one day and then lay off the calories for the rest of the holidays. I didn't actually find a site that said that, in case you wanted the link, I just checked to see if there was one. Sadly there isn't. However, I still think it's a good plan.

Have to go now - only five hours to go and I still have a chocolate orange and a Dundee cake to see off.

Top Prank

As practical jokes go this has got to be one of the best. I wish I'd thought of it.

However I do have a juvenile sense of humour and a low threshold of good taste. (That's a quote from my wife, by the way).

And the result is...

Two days of bag packing, or to be precise, a few hours of bag packing interspersed with periods of trying to look busy so "The Organiser" wouldn't spot I was skiving, and the results are in.

Despite a national recession and competition from the Rotary Club (who were quite muted this year) we managed just over £1,500 from the two days. It's been a good effort but everyone is saying they have done enough bag packing now.

It seems that the Rotary Santa (who kept looking over his shoulder in a hunted manner) was living in fear of another visit from Captain Hook. Not the real Captain Hook, a parent dressed as Captain Hook. Seems he made a big, and scary, impression on Santa last year.

What have we become? Just over a twelvemonth ago we were a cheery band of fund-raising parents. Now we are a bunch of brigands waging psychological warfare against Santa Claus.

What are we going to do for an encore?

I favour serving Bambi at a fund-raising BBQ...

Warming up for bag packing

I've been to the gym and done my stint on the weight machines and bike, with some extra curls thrown in to mimic the action of lifting shopping bags.

The fake smile has been flexed (Smile, 2, 3, Hold, 2, 3, Reee-lax).

My answers are ready.

"At least it keeps them off the streets."

"Yes, I was. The fat slow ones are always props aren't they?"

It's a big bag-packing weekend. Tomorrow we pack at a Marks and Spencer Food outlet, hopefully lacking the threats we had to endure from the Rotary Club Santa posse at the door last year ("This isn't just a bunch of fives, this is a Marks and Spencer bunch of fives"). I've been taking lessons from an ex-police unarmed combat instructor - straight fingers under the ribs, wide-eyed innocence and tell his mates it looks like a coronary.

On Monday we will be hassling the happy shoppers of Beeston with a four hour stint in the afternoon. Can't wait to see their happy faces as twenty rugby players line up to juggle their shopping into bags...

Fox's Revenge

Finally got round to putting out the remaining sausages for the fox. They seem to have given it a bad stomach. That's my revenge for the yapping and squealing and territory marking in the drive.

Unfortunately it decided to mark it's territory again. Using the contents of its bad stomach.

That's the fox's revenge.

Fox 1 Me 0

Money talks and money walks

Nottingham Rugby, once the same club as the one my kids play for, is in financial trouble. It's sad, but although they are 15th in the English league, they rarely attract crowds over 1,500. I bet they'd love to have had a piece of this. In selfish terms I'm glad we are now seperated as the kids are protected from the consequences of the problem; whatever happens we will retain our ground.

The problem that infects National One rugby in the UK is the conviction that "someone" owes them a living just for being a good team. Unfortunately this isn't true. Nottingham is a very good team with great style and great players, plus good long-term potential. Sadly this has been secured at a cost that the club cannot sustain, and the improvement on the field has not been matched with improvements in the off-field management of the club.

We are pretty close to playing Premiership rugby with amateur-style management.

After practice on Sunday I discussed it with another parent. He pointed out that since the two clubs diverged the amateur side had proved itself to have far better management than the professional side. Although we face different challenges I have to agree.

How to annoy children

Dragging them away from a warm TV to go training on a damp, cold Wednesday night is good. Telling them that this was better in the original works too. It also leads seamlessly to "in my day...".



I'm tempted to give an opinion of the X factor and this year's winner but, you have to be nice -remember than she has had a hard life (as she keeps saying).



Nineteen years old, all joints working, no teenagers hanging round her neck, no need to get up at the weekend, no need to hang round in muddy, cold, wet, frozen rugby pitches. Yeah, that's a hard life...

Sarcasm, a medical breakthrough

I have to confess I find the picture more interesting than the article. Not sure whether to be more concerned about losing the ability to detect sarcasm or the fact I might end up in a home that encourages gladiatorial contests between residents.

Never buy cheap sausages

I should have known better last night, but as I stalked Sainsbury's I was tempted by the idea of sausages for breakfast, particularly at a price of 48p a packet.

DON'T DO IT!

They were just tubes of mush (which had probably never seen the front end of a pig). Apart from the use of the word "sausage" on the wrapper and a sausage skin to keep the whole sorry mess together they had nothing to do with sausages.

Tonight I'm going to put them out for the fox and see what happens. If nothing else it will at least be revenge for the territory "marking" the fox does in the driveway on a regular basis.

In which I engage in displacement activity and you waste time

I've always been fond of displacement activity. It's much more fun than working. Try this quiz if you don't believe me. Unless you are one of my kids. In that case get on with your homework and stop wasting time.

Frost 3 Rugby 0

Went to Matlock this morning, beautiful frosty morning with a low winter sun shining through frost rimmed trees. The sun, when it wasn't in my eyes, managed to shine into my door mirror and from there into my eyes. I couldn't help whistling "Winter Wonderland". Looking out for icey patches, with sun in eyes and three teenagers whittering about so-called modern "music" - ah, the joys of parenthood. Are you starting to detect that it wasn't the greatest journey?

All the way there I had to stop myself telling the usual stories (the farmer who shot himself in the head but survived, the manor house where Mary Queen of Scots stayed etc) and making remarks like "Oh, they've built there now have they?" as Number One son is easily embarrassed by his senile parent.

As Matlock drew closer I couldn't help noticing the sun wasn't making much of an impression on the frost. We reached Cromford and turned off (just after the canal). I noticed that my windscreen washers had frozen as we drove into the valley. It didn't look good.

And it turned out not to be good. Despite an hour of optimism from theMatlock coaches even the best bit of ground didn't thaw out properly. Some of it was lovely and soft. Some was rock hard. All in all it was a recipe for disaster so we turned round and went home. Better to do that than see a player injured, though it never feels good.

Under 13s were cancelled too, though they had a proper society referee to inspect the pitch and take the blame.

Then in the afternoon the Nottingham v Coventry match was cancelled too. They play at Meadow Lane, and the difficulty with that is that with the stands around the pitch the sun has no chance of warming the grass. Ah well.

Frost 3 Rugby 0

Cold

I've just about thawed out from Sunday. Something like five hours standing or sitting in the cold watching three games of rugby (only one of them a victory to make things worse). Tonight I have two hours standing out at training. As far as I know nobody has researched the shortening of parental life-expectancy due to freezing on touchlines all winter.

Still, I hope it will all be worthwhile in years to come when my kids are fit, sporty and successful. I will look at the parents of fat, drug ravaged, vegetarian, gluesniffers and tell themthey should have got cold more often.

Or if it doesn't quite work out like that I will wonder if all the frostbite was worth it.

X Factor

I've just seen on the internet that Chris Martin, who apparently plays with a pop group called Coldplay, has said, "If you don't cry at The X Factor, you're not human."

This not true.

If you don't think of shotguns as you watch X Factor, you're not human.

Get it right Chris.

Along with the 1.5 metre rule in junior scrummaging X Factor is responsible for the moral decay of the youth of England.

Wouldn't you just love to see spotty hopeful Eoghan turning out to face your local pack on a freezing Sunday morning...

A question of match reporting

The Under 13s lost 10 - 40. Looks bad but in fact it wasn't a bad match. Our forwards worked like hell, stealing four lineouts, taking a scrum against the head and generally toughing it out until the last minute. If the backs had been capable of holding on to the ball instead of kicking possession away, dropping it or letting it roll free in contact, we might have had a chance. Even so, they were still moving forward at the end and we scored in the final minutes.

Now, it's tempting to talk in terms of dropped balls, turnovers, poor defence, weak links, but in the end what good will it do?

A junior match report, I always feel, needs to be positive, partisan and uplifting. Accuracy is secondary. The question is, am I doing the kids and favours by reporting losses in glowing terms? We definitely had three kids who played below par and let the side down, but what is the point in telling them this. Two of them already know and the third will remain oblivious to his weaknesses whatever I say. Next week, being twelve years old, they will be playing again and I'd rather they went into the game with confidence than a list fo failings. Anyway, it's easy to be good when you're only watching.

Next time you see the words Nottingham 10 Newark 40 it will be in the context of an heroic struggle where Nottingham emerged as victors in all but points.

The question is, am I doing the kids any favours in this, or should I be more realistic?

A three match day

I wish I was being sponsored for this, watching three matches in one day, and even then the pain of some of the things I have been forced to witness could never be compensated for by mere money.

OK, that was a stupid thing to say. But realistically speaking nobody is going to give me enough money to wipe away the pain.

Mainly it has been caused by the sight of junior rugby players carrying the ball in one hand, shortly followed by the sight of a ball bouncing free.

It may be a plot by some subversive organisation dedicated to freeing rugby balls from bondage; it may just be stupidity. I am not qualified to say, though I have my suspicions. I reckon they have all been infected by watching too much premiership rugby on TV. They tell me it helps them run faster,though as I saw a lot of one handed carrying but no scorching runs, I'm not convinced it works. In the case of props particularly, many of whom run at the same speed as a glacier, I'm not sure that the extra yard a year increase in pace is worth the risk of dropping the ball.

Second only to that is the pain of seeing the dropped ball kicked around like a game of football. I could go on, but I'm feeling queasy. Maybe I'll come back later.

Thermometer Update

Just updated the thermometer, we're up to £24,000 now. Eight months to go, two thirds of the money raised and two good bag packing spots just before Christmas. Things are looking hopeful.

And then there's the Special Project...

Torn loyalties

As a young man in the 70s I well remember the men in red shirts with ridiculous facial hair that dominated British rugby, and didn't the Welsh let us know all about it.

So today I had seriously torn loyalties, Australia or Wales?

Fortunately the decision was taken out of my hands. After a morning wreathed in freezing fog at Southglade (remember Southglade?) I went home, had my soup and fell asleep in front of the gas fire. Sometimes middle-aged sloth has it's good side.

Something about Outlaws

Here's a Press Release about Nottingham Outlaws and next summer's rugby league season. They will be playing nationally, which means more travelling and a more testing season. Crucially, it means that the current Under 16s, who become eligible to play as adults this year, will be exposed to a culture of excellence. That might be putting it a bit strong but I've just finished reading the Bedford Tigers Wikipedia article and seem to have contracted Bovine Excrement Syndrome from too much exposure to ... Bedford Tigers Wikipedia article.

Let's just say that you have to translate it from paper to grass. Results here.

However, getting back to U16s, and even to the question of what winning is, one of the things kids need is an example, and a successful and accessible senior team is important in a club. Well done to Outlaws and good luck for next year.

What is winning?

I've been talking to someone about this recently because I'm sure that the way coaches define winning gets in the way of developing junior rugby in England. It might also get in the way of developing junior rugby in Scotland, Ireland and Wales, but that's not my problem.

It could be that I'm wrong, and I've been told I am wrong on more than one occassion, but I believe at junior level it's not about winning but about how you play the game. I don't want my kids to be taught to cheat or how to rough the opposition up (which is clearly done in some of the "successful" teams we play). I don't want to see them straitjacketed in a system by the time they are twelve years old and I don't want to see them in teams where the game plan is to get the ball out to the team "superstar".

We've all seen that sort of player. He's bigger or faster that the others in his age group and the coaches' gameplan revolves round him. Each year he gets smaller and slower in comparison to the others. The opposition learn to close him down. Eventually, the physical advantage having decreased considerably, you realise he can't play rugby. It's not his fault; it's the fault of the coaches who thought he didn't need to learn more skills. Meanwhile there are fourteen other kids in the team who have been made to feel second class.

My idea of winning is ending up with fifteen kids who feel good about themselves. They may have lost on points but if they have played hard and fair, played to their potential and produced some good rugby, then they should feel good about themselves. If they have won on points by shunting the ball out to their flying winger all the time you have to ask what they have achieved apart from a "W" on the score sheet. It's nice but in a year, or five or ten, it will be character that counts, not a "W".

It's fashionable today to say "show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser." It used to be fashionable to say something else.

Sorry if I'm being old fashioned, but there are worse things. Just look at the cesspit that is professional football if you want to see what happens when a sport substitutes cash for character.

A day of mixed fortunes

This morning I checked the emails at 8am. There was no cancellation so the next step was to chip the car free of frozen snow, wondering all the time whether the email had been delayed as I couldn't see anyone in their right mind wanting to play rugby this morning.

If I'd been more patient I could have saved myself a job as the day warmed up and by the time we set off rain had cleared most of the cars down the street.

It was a bit dour on the way down but generally not too bad and the satnav (provided by one of the passengers) directed us a strange way which saw us arrive at Newbold on Avon slightly before someone who had overtaken us on the M1.I'm beginning to warm to satnav, though the idea of following directions given in a woman's voice is slightly peculiar. Experience tells me this is a number one way to get lost. As it was, I am happy to report that we ended up in a group of garages next to the club rather than in the club itself. Perfection is OK, but a slight flaw, even in a computer, is more endearing.

The score, after a game that I shall report on later, 0-5 to us, with a try scored in the final minute of the game.

The U13s lost 10-19 to a team that beat us 0-35 last time they visited. It's progress and although it ends the "unbeaten run", as they were starting to call it, it's also a reality check. Same for the U16s. It's been a bit too easy; this week showed where we need to start work ahead of the cup matches after Christmas.

Rugby League World Cup

It started badly when we gathered down at the clubhouse in time to hear the words "The electricians were fixing the lights yesterday." This, it seems, was the explanation of why there was no power to the sockets and whey the new club TV, kindly provided by a sponsor, was not working.

Plan B involved splitting up to visit people with Sky TV, and this proved to be a good plan. New Zealand were losing by the time we got to a TV, which was the pattern for the rest of the first half. Australia played some lovely flowing rugby, New Zealand pottered about going through the motions and sticking in the game only by determination. However, as the second half got into its swing they showed that you don't need to play flashy rugby and that putting the opposition under pressure can be just as effective as they pressurised Australia into making mistakes and pounced on the chances.

Steve Ganson, acting as TMO, awarded a penalty try, variously called brave and controversial (though most commentators seemed to accept is as fair) and cemented his place as the least popular match official in two hemispheres.

Match report.

Did I mention it was 34-20. An entertaining game, a beating for Australia and a great way to spend a morning.

Playing Rugby in Rugby

OK, not quite Rugby, but a club just outside. It's still amusing to someone like me with the sense of humour of a five year old. Depending on if the match goes ahead (poor weather is forecast) I might make a small detour on the way back and take a picture of the William Webb Ellis statue outside the school.

There's a statue of Rupert Brooke somewhere, though I didn't see it when we went. In any event, I don't suppose Brooke played much rugby. More of a cricket player, I always think.

Not sure if I mentioned this before in the blog or just thought of mentioning it, but if you are ever out that way it's worth having a look at the Gilbert Museum too, just across the road from the statue. It's a small museum but it's interesting and (last time I went) it's free.

I have a short-sleeved Nottingham shirt in the back of the car. I wonder if you could get it on a statue before the police arrived...

Most haunted

Though I've never gone as far as inviting Derk Acorah round I am convinced I live in one of the most haunted houses in Britain.

Food packets mysteriously rip themselves open, the fridge empties regularly without, apparently, any human intervention, rugby balls move from outside to inside the house and the lampshade in the living room is forever on a slant.

They say that poltergeists love houses where teenagers live and I'm wondering if this has anything to do with it. Though why a poltergeist would be so hungry and would need to practice line outs in the living room I really don't know.

South Leicester 0 Nottingham 53

It almost seems bad form to report this match. Over the years we have been on the wrong end of a couple of scorelines like this and it isn't pleasant. It isn't good rugby either, and it certainly isn't good for the team. They need a better test than this if they are to shape up for the NLD Cup matches after Christmas. It wasn't good for South Leicester either - they played decent rugby and they conducted themselves well - and they deserved better than this.

This is part of the problem with not having a league system. In Midlands Rugby League the U16s have a Merit League. You can play as many or as few fixtures as you like and it is mainly based on average points. As long as you play a minimum amount of matches (three or four I think) you are given a position in the table. Generally, because summer Rugby League coaches are pretty laid back (apart from the ones from Telford*) you put out a team of suitable strength. Yes, we still believe in winning. We just believe that rugby and fun come before winning. A couple of years ago the Outlaws U11s put 19 tries past Derby Dragons at a festival. In the second match we mixed the teams up to give everyone a chance and the 12-8 result felt much better.

I know there would be problems with running a league too, and that the fixture secretary works hard to provide us with a good mix of games, but it just seems that Sunday was a bit of a waste for all concerned.

(The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of all coaches and parents,and certainly don't reflect the views of the 15 blood thirsty savages on the pitch)

*Oh, and Northampton.

Memory playing tricks

Have you ever done that? Been so convinced of something that you have ignored all facts to the contrary and carried on on your own little world?

I did last week. We were due to play South Leicestershire U16s and I kept telling myself it was easy to find, only an hour away and that we'd been there last summer to watch Outlaws play Leicester Phoenix.

Getting lost within 200 yards of the motorway didn't help, but it didn't dent my confidence. For one thing, I didn't know I was lost until we were halfway into the city centre. In fact I didn't know for sure even then, just considered it an increasingly likely possibility.

I hate being late, and to make it worse I had the balls in the back of the car so I kept seeing visions of a group of rugby players standing round with nothing to do.Not that would have happened. Put a group of 15 and 16 year olds together and the trick is actually to stop them doing things...

So, there we were, finally outside the club, despite not having recognised much of the road on the way down. As I turned in I thought "I don't remember that cemetery being there." followed swiftly by "That's a different clubhouse.".

Funny how long it takes to sink in that it isn't actually the same club at all and you have been totally wrong all week.

It's a bit like being an English sports fan. Pulverised in the Rugby League World Cup. Embarrassed at Twickenham. And still talking about winning the next one...

Two games. Two wins.

Sorry, time has just seemed to get away from me this week. It's probably the shock of finding both my kids on the winning side on the same weekend.

Nottingham 12 Spalding 5 in the Notts, Lincs and Derbyshire qualifiers. A tight match on an extremely slippy pitch (the aptly named Trent Pool pitch at Lady Bay). We had a surprise home advantage after they called to say they had waterlogged pitches. This was good for the parents, who were all smiling when we arrived; they are still getting used to the idea of travelling more than twenty miles to a match.

Nottinghamshire U16 3 Lincolnshire U16 0 in a game played in the pouring rain at Newark. The winning penalty was a good kick bearing the conditions in mind, as was the sixty minutes of defending that followed. The Newark groundsman (motto - "Grass grows by the inch but is killed by the foot") is unlikely to be impressed by the state of his pitch.

Both kids gave me a heart-stopping moment. I have come to expect it from Number Two son and as he secured the ball by throwing himself under the feet of the approaching Spalding pack. It isn't comfortable watching but he's a forward so it's what he does. But Number One son...

Whatever induced an elegant and somewhat willowy back to throw himself under the feet of the Lincolnshire pack to pull off the same feat? It's not natural. And neither is the Lincolnshire pack, a throwback to when dinosaurs roamed the earth if ever there was one.

Ah well, no training this Wednesday so I can catch up with my writing.

Bonfire Night Festivities

Bonfire night, and all around me fireworks were bursting in the air. Number Two son and his mother (who is also my wife - just thought I'd clear that up in this era of complicated families) went training and then stopped of at a firework display. One of the other mothers bought him a flashing LED gumshield - looks garish by daylight so can't wait to see it in the dark. Meanwhile Newark RFC held a bonfire party at the clubhouse so we had to go for County U16 training at Mansfield.

Mansfield...

I get a sinking feeling when I hear that name, for so many reasons. Partly because I can never remember then way to the club and the directions on the website don't actually help much. It's the only time I wish I had satnav but for once or twice a year I'd rather get lost than spend the money.

Also because they always put us on the back pitch which is three quarters size and tussocky, particulalrly when they don't mow it for a week or two. They do it on purpose as our players are faster than theirs if you give them space and a flat surface.

And finally because of the werewolves.

Admittedly I've never seen one but in the dark, with the mist rolling across the road, you get the feeling that they are out there. And some of their U13s are definitely more hairy than you would expect at that age...

Fund raising thoughts

This is one of the current rescue attempts for Nottingham Rugby. I don't actually understand Facebook. It's bit like texting. Or rap stars. I can see some people like it but can't really see the point.

They have also posted a share application form and a simple begging form on the website.

In truth, it's a bit like the strategy I use here, though this is at least backed up with bag packing and raffles. Though wishing them, and the fans, well in their find-raising I do hope they aren't going to start competing with us for fund-raising. The thought of 22 professional rugby players packing bags at ASDA is going to haunt my dreams for weks to come.

Oh dear...

The Forum at the professional club was "temporarily" down last night. Could it be anything to do with this news story?

It's probably a story to generate financial support for the club rather than a real panic, but it's an example of how hard it is for professional rugby to survive outside the top twelve clubs in England. We're number 15 in the country - if we were the 15th ranked football team we'd have million pound superstars all over the place and sponsors ramming money down our throats.

We aren't actually the same team now, having split before this season started, so I'm a member of Nottingham Boots Corsairs RFC and merely a supporter of Nottingham Rugby but it still hurts to see them in trouble. My kids have been trained by a lot of the players from Nottingham Rugby over the years; they arec a great bunch of blokes and they deserve better than this.

I don't think the management of the club has been great since the game turned professional but you can't fault the efforts of the members in working to drag it back up. It's just a shame these efforts seem to have come to nothing. Some teams did better than us, some did worse.

However, it isn't helpful to criticise just now, or even to dispute some of the things I just heard the Chairman say about the money they spend on supporting the amateur club. Let's just say that from the point of view of the parents of NBCRFC it looks like we gave them plenty too.

Things you see when you don't have a gun

When I first played rugby I had black boots. If you had white trim you were thought to be rather bohemian. Of course, in those days I also used to score three-point tries with a leather ball. Though not often.

How times have changed.

No conspiracy after all

Sadly, it seems I am unable to pin the cancellation of the Under 16 match on the minis. Seems Nuneaton had players away at a county match and, with four last minute cancellations, had to pull out. It seems that the person they thought was going to ring us forgot. I have a poor memory too, so I can sympathise with that.

I would much rather it had been a conspiracy though...

This leaves me in a position, like the comedians Ross and Brand, of having to offer sincere apologies. In my case it's only to the non-contact ankle-biters so it doesn't really matter. I'm certainly not in danger of losing a lucrative contract over this.

Today's question -

Should children be allowed to play rugby before their voices stop sounding like badly-oiled door hinges or not?

Stranger and stranger...

We arrived at Nuneaton for the Under 13 match without being cancelled. I've only been once before and could remember standing water but on arrival was pleasantly surprised by the state of the pitches. On spiking the umbrellas into the ground I discovered why - lots of gravel. I wish I could say the same about Nottingham.

On one of those days when everything went right (well, nearly everything, but I'm not here to discuss the weak points of our game) our pack roamed the field like a pride of lions and the backs produced an exhibition of free-flowing rugby. The result doesn't actually matter, it was just so good to see the kids enjoying themselves and producing great rugby. As we left the changing rooms the opposition scrum half told our kids that they were going to slaughter us. Where do scrum halves get their genes from?

Sorry about the poor quality of the picture - the way things are these days I daren't put up a picture that actually shows anything.

Fifty minutes later, he must have wished he'd kept quiet. It was 29-0 if you are statistically inclined. The kids seem to be getting the hang of this.

Meanwhile the Under 16s waited patiently for their opposition (Nuneaton U16s) to turn up. On ringing to see if they were lost they found out that someone from our end seems to have cancelled the fixture. Suspicion is focused firmly on the Mini Section who were hosting a tournament at The Bay this morning and were worried about space. If this was CSI I'd be after getting a subpoena and a phone dump but as it's not, I'll have to be content with posting my suspicions in cyberspace.

Must alter time stamp - it's 8.34 not 10.34 as the last post shows!

Gale force winds, driving rain.

As yet there is no news of cancelled matches.

If things run true to form we will be 20 miles from home when the news arrives.

Time to set off so here goes...

Is it that time already?

It doesn't feel like seven days since Saturday was last here,and looking at the blog, I seem to have missed a day entirely. As this will appear on Sunday, despite being about Saturday, you might even say two.

Southglade Leisure Centre, as mentioned by Stew in the last post, proved to be a little warmer than usual, though still as cold as a taxman's heart. However, after an hour of standing there feeling cold and lonely (no other parents were stupid enough to turn up and watch) things suddenly took a turn for the worse. The clouds, which had been shooting overhead at a rapid pace, decided to turn grey and stop.

Now, I can put up with cold, rain and wind; they are all part of being a parent of sporting children. What aggravates me is how the rubber crumbs of an "all weather pitch" stick to my shoes and lower extremities in wet weather. And the cones, balls,water bottles, children...

You name it - it ends up with a rubber crumb stuck to it. I have often wondered how long it would take to steal an entire pitch, assuming you wanted one, but fortunately have never been bored enough to try and calculate it.

After that we went to IKEA. In some ways it was better than last weekend (I managed to get to the canteen before it stopped serving, for instance) in other ways it was worse.I will come to that later. Strangely, in one way it was exactly the same. We had a family come through the checkout - one with a British Lions shirt,one with a Leicester Tigers shirt. Regular readers will know what I am about to say...

...we didn't get a penny from them. I don't know what it is about a Tiger's shirt but they are not, based on our recent sample of three, a sign of open-handed generosity. In fact the whole day was characterised by a lack of generosity as a procession of miserable-looking shoppers made their way through the tills. Some were still very pleasant - members of Scunthorpe, Lincoln and Keyworth rugby clubs to name but a few.

The worst one was the chap who decided to have a go at my wife for daring to help pack his bag (though his wife had agreed to it). I won't go into detail but if his wife ever cracks under the pressure of living with him I hope (a) the right poison is readily available and (b) she gets away with it.

(This a personal opinion and should not be mistaken for the official position of Nottingham Boots Corsairs).

Anyway, better go now, have to be up early for a trip to Nuneaton.

Ah, the romance of junior rugby!

What's the worst rugby ground?

It's mid-day now, and I've just about thawed out from last night at training.

I suppose it's the cost of land that means so many clubs are sited next to rivers or on hillsides but it does make them pretty chilly places.

Here's a list of a few horrors, have you any others to add?

• Nottingham Moderns - Under 14 County training was marked by freezing winds off the Trent, whilst the smell from the pie factory reminded me of home, warmth and food.

• Derby - we won there as Under 12s but the Derby coach threw a tantrum as the winning try went down in a puddle so big it had washed the try line away and he tried to deny us the score.

• Sheffield Tigers - at this year's Lexus Festival the U13s played on a pitch that was little more than a bit of rough grazing with posts at each end. The U16s had a better pitch but the toilets blocked and as the resident jobsworth wouldn't let us stand inside the barrier we had to paddle through sewage.

The state of shirts to come?

I was just notified about a new posting from somebody talking about the new Stade Francais shirts - apparantly they quite like the Warhol rip-off shirts for this season. I don't. And just as I thought things couldn't get any worse I found this link to Ralph Lauren. Here you start with a reasonably tasteful shirt and turn it tasteless by "designing" some extra features for yourself.

The ordinary junior shirts at Nottingham are a riot of sponsors these days, and this blog is all about trying to find more sponsorship for the Under 16s (just in case you'd missed that bit) so I might be getting close to hypocrisy here but whatever happened to the days of cotton shirts with proper collars and traditional colours?

In a world of tight fit shirts plastered with logos and produced in colours rarely seen in nature am I the only one to deplore the new fashion? Or am I completely out of touch?

Nottingham Legend

Forgot to tell you - we had a donation from a former England player on Saturday at IKEA.

John Pallant played for Nottingham and England in the late 60s before giving it up because he took on a job that meant he had to work on Saturdays. How times have changed. Now he's retired he has time to go round IKEA.

Sunday - sorry it's not a very original title

6.30am - get up to put Number One son on the bus for the BIRC in Birmingham.

8.30am - breakfast at McDonalds (see how you are getting the plain truth here, warts, calories and all).

9.30am - bandaging hand of Number Two son who shouldn't be playing so soon after the fracture, but I'm not much of a parent when it comes to stuff like this.

10.30am - arrive for warm up. Only parking space left is in the middle of a puddle. Wet feet or walk from the car park next door? You guess.

11.00am - lend four players to Paviors, who are having problems due to half term. Half time score 14-7, one of our own players scoring for the opposition. Full time score 29-7. Number Two son survives uninjured despite selecting the biggest player on the pitch to hone his tackling technique (visions of Social Services recede).

12.30pm - Lunch. Embarrassed to say where. My dad once met Colonel Sanders. Draw your own conclusions.

2.30pm - Arrive at IKEA for more bag packing. Car park seems full, as does shop. Pack bags for someone wearing a Leicester Tigers' shirt. They can afford £50 for a shirt but nothing for us. Same thing was remarked on by my wife yesterday. I'm always amazed by the way some people will give you £5 for next to nothing and others give you nothing for ten minutes work. Members of local teams - Paviors, Ilkeston, West Bridgford pass through, chat and donate. Nice people. I will include links to their teams - just make sure you don't do anything foolish like joining them. They all have players at Nottingham Outlaws playing summer rugby league so why not come and support local rugby this summer? (Hope that plug wasn't too obvious).

5.00pm - Go home. Not what you expect when you mention the words "day of rest".

10.19pm - Email arrives from team manager - they went out on a family visit after IKEA , came back and have just counted the cash. What sort of person is at their computer at 10.19 pm doing junior rugby stuff? Tomorrow I am going to put a "thermometer" on the blog to show our progress.

Fundraising tomorrow

It's a big day tomorrow as we have fifteen tills to cover at IKEA.

Unlike bag packing at a supermarket the work is harder (due to the weight of the items) and less profitable (transactions take longer and as it is mainly credit card there is less change to drop in a bucket). However, beggars can't be choosers and it does have a couple of advantages.

One is that they let us eat in the staff canteen and two is that they go out of their way to make us welcome. Not all supermarkets do that. Tomorrow we will be the sole collectors, meaning we won't have to compete with the cute Brownies who creamed off all the cash at the entrance last time and we won't have to send Captain Hook to hassle Santa, as we had to do at a supermarket last Christmas.

It would take too long to explain all this, but I promise you that raising funds is not for the faint hearted. I am particularly pleased at the lack of cute Brownies as is one of our players, who was stitched up something rotten by them last year.

(Note to American readers - in the UK a Brownie is a small female paramilitary, not a chocolate confection.)

Play fair, or win?

Relating to the last question - I notice that Nottingham minis managed to win three groups at the recent Coalville Festival with a runner up and a semi-finalist in the other groups.

All teams won the Fair Play Award.

At last years Lexus Festival all four Nottingham Junior teams won their respective Fair Play awards.

It's good to get a fair play award, particularly if, like the U16s last year, you don't win a match. However, this year we were runners up and got medals, which felt better than any amount of fair play awards.

It's good to play fair, and it's good to play fair and win. But if you can only do one of the two, who prefers winning?

What makes a good coach of junior players?

We were talking about this last night as we watched training.

Is it necessary to have been a good player to be a good coach? Can you become a good coach merely by taking coaching courses? And of course, is coaching just about playing rugby or should we be teaching the players more than that?

Over to you.

Coming down to earth

It's not all Canada tours and watching National One games in junior rugby. There's training to be done too.

Specifically, last night, there's a 20 mile drive in the dark for the Nottinghamshire U16 county squad. And even more specifically, it wasn't so much training as waiting round in the car park for a keyholder to open the clubhouse at Newark.

Eventually one of the dedicated band of people who makes amateur rugby possible was dragged from his plate to open the club for us. He must have cursed, but you wouldn't guess it as he arrived an switched on the floodlights. I don't know his name, but I'd like to record my thanks.

It's not all Twickenham and OBEs in the world of rugby, it's mainly hard work and cold weather. Volunteers run the clubs, volunteers do the coaching, volunteers do the catering and sometimes, though not often, the RFU gives some support.

A couple of years ago we were told that kick off had been rearranged for an Under 11s match because Francis Baron and one of his RFU sidekicks wanted to come and watch grassroots rugby.

The day was wet and cold to an extent that we discussed whether it was suitable for the kids to be outside in it. The mud was ankle deep and one of our players was rooted to the spot by cold, but they gave us everything they had.

The RFU delegation watched from a distance. To be accurate, they watched from behind the shelter of a window in a heated room.

I will say no more.

Tour Planning II

After doing all the research it turned out that it was safer and easier to book with a tour company than to try to do it ourselves. It was also not much more expensive, though having said that we have just had a bill for insurance (£800) we weren't expecting.

I would have liked us to organise it for ourselves, giving us something to take some pride in, but seriously - why go to the trouble when someone else can do it for you (and probably better) for near enough the same price?

Anyway, the fundraising is hard enough without organising the whole tour from scratch.

I would tell you which company it is so you can book with them, but fund-raising makes you very hard. It's very difficult for me to mention any companies these days unless they show some interest in sponsoring the tour.

Rugby League World Cup

Details of BBC coverage can be found here.

England starts this weekend with a match against Papua New Guinea.

Anyone know what's unique about PNG in rugby terms?

(No, not the pre-match meal, no cannibal jokes after the Boris Johnson debacle.)

A rugby question

Now that Jonny Wilkinson has revealed himself to be a follower of Buddhist principles can we expect a new generation of rugby players coming through the system similar to the ones who now take a Jonny stance before kicking?


I can understand how a 10 can adopt principles of non-violence but can we now expect the tight five to start asking us about karma rather than clearing out?

Tour Planning Part I

The original plan was to go to New Zealand, a place The Leader referred to as "the Mecca of Rugby". At that point, I have to confess that my childish sense of humour lead me to search the web hoping to find a picture of the Mecca Bingo club in Rugby, Warwickshire. If I had found one I would be showing it now.


We discussed New Zealand but decided that it was probably too far and too expensive, particularly as my sister had just been there on holiday and her description of rain, sheep and the 1950s sounded so much like Derbyshire we might as well tour the Peak District. She did say you don't get volcanoes in Derbyshire, which in my view is another good thing about Derbyshire. Same for Australia as far as cost and distance goes, though susbstitute desert for Derbyshire.


Closer to home we looked at South Africa. However, we were thinking of organising it ourselves and the RFU won't sanction tours to South Africa unless they are organised by tour companies. This left us a bit stuck as the tour has to be after the exams and nobody much is playing rugby at that time of year.


Then somebody mentioned Canada and one of the parents revealed himself to be Canadian. This was a surprise as I had always thought he had a Somerset accent.

To be continued

And finally...

Nottingham 48 Newbury 3


Another good looking scoreline, but as the official match report shows, another scoreline that conceals a tough contest. I left the ground happy, but at half time I have to admit all I could think about was how could Nottingham be struggling? Newbury are ten League places below us and although it showed in the quality of play you'd have been hard put to tell that from the half time score or the determination on show from Newbury.


That's the trouble with rugby in National One. At the top you have teams like Nottingham trying to model themselves on full time Premiership sides and at the bottom you have teams that are modelled on traditional club sides. We are by no means a full time professional side but we are getting that way and the training regime is tough, particularly for those players who also have jobs.


You can often tell the difference from looking at the props. Ours are heavily muscled from working out: many of the props from lower placed teams look like the sworn enemies of salad. When the kids train on Wednesdays I have seen our team lifting weights in the garage that houses the grass cutters, so we are not the most luxurious of teams but in past years we have been visited by teams fielding props that looked like they seldom lifted anything heavier than a pie,and the difference shows.


There is a proposal drifting about to make the best National One teams part of a second division Premiership. As a supporter of a top National One team I am all in favour of that as it means we should get more funding. Unfortunately there is always some sort of proposal drifting about and it seldom seems to come to much.

The sad truth about rugby in England is that it just doesn't attract the crowds to bring in the sponsorship it needs.

Wiping something off the slate

Sunday morning, the so called day of rest, started, as it so often does, with me hitting the snooze button and wishing I had never had children. This was followed by the traditional fights over kit and and increasingly outrageous claims about things that had definitely been packed the night before only to be stolen/disappear/take on a life of their own and be generally absent from the place they had been left. Socks mysteriously migrate from one bag to another; gum shields flee their cases regularly and hide in jacket pockets or boot bags.



And then we started the daily discussion of why a fifteen year old needs 20 minutes in the bathroom with a pot of hair gel every morning. OK, as is often pointed out at this point, my hair care time has been reduced by natural wastage over the years, but even as a teenager it mostly consisted merely tugging a comb through it.



An hour later, having dropped wife and Number Two son off for training at our home ground, I started looking for a space to park near the West Bridgford RFC ground. It isn't easy but there was a good space near the entrance. It was a bit of a worry that even the 4x4 owners considered too rough to park on but it was that or walk half a mile.

If evolution had intended us to walk it wouldn't have provided us with the brains to invent cars.

The match, which I arrived just in time for, was not a showcase for free-flowing rugby. Two packs with something to prove and a gusting wind discouraged any fancy stuff and attempts at long passes inevitably came to grief.

Five minutes into the second half the score was 5-12 and we were making hard work of it. I had visions of a similar outcome to the last time we played, when a muddy day negated our winning streak and they held out for a narrow victory. This time, however, we didn't make the mistake of underestimating them and two more tries saw us win 5-24 despite them having the advantage of the wind.

It wasn't a pretty game, but I can live with an ugly win.

Better than shopping

Nottingham 33 Skegness 10



It wasn't a pretty game, the wind and the referee both having too much effect on the game to encourage free-flowing rugby, but it was more of a cliff-hanger than the final result suggests. It took half an hour to put the first points on the board and there were only eleven points between the teams with twenty minutes to go. Two tries in the last ten minutes finally put the game away and made Nottingham look comfortable winners.



In a match which pitted youthful enthusiasm against age experience the experience proved important in the first half but the fitness of youth finally triumphed. A bit like the story of my life really. (Note the picture above showing that Nottingham also had age and experience on their side - though I'm not saying which was which).

Meanwhile the referee matched the six tries with five sendings off (1 Red, 4 Yellow) and treated us all to his individualistic interpretation of the Laws of Rugby.

What more could you want on a Saturday afternoon? Well, my wife wanted to go shopping, but you can't have everything can you? Shopping versus EDF Junior Vase Round 3.Tough choice.

This Weekend

There's plenty of rugby action in Nottingham this weekend starting with Nottingham Boots Corsairs v Skegness at the Bay. Skegness are a strong team, NBC are currently undefeated. Should be good. Kick Off 2.30 pm.

Sunday morning sees the pick of the weekend as Nottingham Under 16s come up against West Bridgford. Having narrowly come second last time the teams met Nottingham has something to prove this time out. With a 25-0 victory in the rain over Melbourne last time out Nottingham are looking good.

Finally with a 3.00 pm Kick Off Nottingham v Newbury sees National One action at Meadow Lane. Hopefully it won't be too much of an anti-climax after the Under 16's game.

Eight months and counting...

Every rugby club has an ideas man. On his own he isn't that dangerous. But when he has a yes man with him going "Yes, that's a good idea, let's do it." things can get tricky.

So when The Leader said "Why don't we take the Under 15s abroad on tour next year?" we all looked at our feet and whistled, knowing nothing would happen if we all stayed quiet and avoided eye contact.

I still don't know why I said it. Years of experience told me to stay quiet but I heard a voice, my voice, saying "Yes, that's a good idea."

Obviously, eight months later, we are starting to run out of steam a little bit - you can only do so much bag packing, car booting, raffling and odd jobbing before you wish you had decided to tour Wales.

And that is why I am sitting here wrestling with technology, writing what is basically a begging letter. Somewhere floating around on the right is a PayPal Donation button. If you have a few spare pounds we would love to find a home for them. If you don't, that's fine but perhaps you could press some of the links that should be appearing on the blog soon and earn us a few pennies that way.

Over the next eight months we will be doing a lot more fund-raising (we aren't relying on my skill at web-based begging I promise you) so if nothing else, we should have a laugh.

With any luck I will also manage to put the Donation button somewhere that looks a little more professional...